A day in the life of a handphone

(this column has been usurped temporarily by my long-suffering handphone,
Samsung SGH X620C)

Dear Owner

I think it's high time I highlight to you the injurious ways you have been treating me and at the same time release my stress by venting my grouses at the maltreatment. It has been only three months since I started serving you but yet.....

On Sunday, 5 March 2006 at SZG, you unceremoniously dropped me onto the floor in, of all places, the toilet at Children's World. Being the most unhygienic subspecies of the homo sapiens, children has yet to achieve civilised standards in the business of toilet use. Hence, the washroom there is of course the worst and the only blight in the annals of the (toilet-)award-winning zoo. Fortunately, I was spared the fate of drowning in the water (I hate to think of the urine) when I missed the abyss by a hair's breadth (actually around 5 inches; nevermind, the statistics are not that important here).

Imagine what would have happen if, God forbid, I had fallen into the sewage pipes. My body would be have been mutilated/damaged/dismembered/mangled/shattered/whatever synonyms for total destruction by the merciless system. That would be Doomsday for me, a fine specimen of a handphone, provider of innumerable pleasures of smsing friends to drive away the boredom and your connection to help (remember your sojourn to MacRitchie?)

On Monday, 6 March 2006, you again sent me crashing onto the floor in well, you-know-where...

Deja vu. The SZG incident should have alerted you to the possibility of destruction caused by negligence and yet, history has repeated itself once again.

Don't you know that being hurled around is extremely life-threatening to a handphone? No doubt we looked fortified with our armour of metal, but that is the casing of a million sensitive and fragile parts....I know I cannot compare to your previous mobile from Nokia but all the more you should handle me with care.

If there ever is a tribunal for handphones to seek redress for ill-treatment, I am sure you will be a Class A criminal and the jury (comprising of illustrious handphones from each brand) will return a verdict of 'Guilty!'

Please don't give me any more excuses. Why should the gravity always be stronger wherever you are? I hope there's a cure for butter-fingers...

In the meantime, I shall persevere.

I will survive.

Yours truly (battered)
Six Two O